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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29465631">I Built These Walls to Watch Them Crumbling Down</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderstormsablaze/pseuds/thunderstormsablaze'>thunderstormsablaze</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All Elite Wrestling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandonment, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, M/M, Self-Destruction, Song fic, Unrequited Love, fall from grace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:42:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,431</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29465631</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderstormsablaze/pseuds/thunderstormsablaze</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An adventure to the bar and a trip down memory lane</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kenny Omega/"Hangman" Adam Page</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Built These Walls to Watch Them Crumbling Down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay I know this isn't exactly up to date with Hangman's character arc so I'm sorry. This is based on "Lost It All" by Black Veil Brides.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It started out so grand, me and him against all odds. No one expected me and Kenny to do well, I know Matt and Nick just paired us up because we had no one else. And because they wanted to keep an eye on me. I don't know why they felt they couldn't trust me, is it because I'm the alcoholic of their little straight edge group? Is it because I'm the newest member and they still don't think I'm capable of doing my job? Or is it because they think I'm disposable. I'm not disposable, I promise. I guess they didn't see it like that.</p><p>Sorry, I ramble when I'm drunk. Anyways, we were shoved together and had to make the best of it. I always got the impression Kenny wanted more though. I know him, or at least I thought I did. He likes to be in control, and he likes to be the top of the pack. But he's also insecure, always picking fights with other alpha types to make sure they know he's the top dog. Just look at his fractured relationship with Kota, and if that's not enough proof, the civil war with Cody.</p><p>I'm not like that, I don't want to challenge his status. I wanted to be my own man, be able to do things my own way and what was best for me. Our dynamic worked for a while, we started winning. One, two, three, we got the job done. Of course there was some competition between us, we weren't perfect. We wanted to pin the guy, to be the one who won the match for our team. But for the most part it worked. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I ruled the world.<br/></em>
  <em>With these hands I shook the heavens to the ground.<br/></em>
  <em>I laid the gods to rest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>We won. I won. <em> We won. I won. </em>The tag belts were ours. Our belts. We won them. I still remember it vividly to this day, the rush of adrenaline towards the end of the match when I saw Kenny on the ground, when I knew it was all up to me. I had to pin them to win us the belts. It was our only chance. The cheering of the crowd fueled me, instincts taking over as I hit two buckshot lariats. It was all I could do to pin Kazarian before I collapsed, but I did it. I won.</p><p>There's nothing like laying on the ground and hearing the cheers of the crowd, knowing they're cheering for you. Your music and the sound of the fans battling to see who was louder, it's the best rush there is. I held the belt tight when I was given it, and knowing I won the belt made it so much better. I was on top of the world. Nothing could take the fact I won the belts from me. Of course it's not the belt I wanted first, nothing can substitute that, but in the moment, the fans cheering, my music blasting, I could just about imagine it was.</p><p>Even the appearance of Matt and Nick couldn't sour my mood too much. Sure, it hurt, I knew they were only there for Kenny. Made that perfectly clear when they went over to him and didn't tell me how proud they were that I won. But that was fine, I knew early on they didn't care as much about me as they did Kenny. Besides, I had the fans there to cheer for me, to do for me what they wouldn't: be proud. Drinking the beers and being with the fans in the moment was the best feeling in the world; I wish I could go back to that moment. No matter how painful it was watching Matt and Nick not give a fuck about me, I won the belts and the fans, and that was all that mattered.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I held the key to the kingdom.<br/></em>
  <em>Lions guarding castle walls.<br/></em>
  <em>Hail the king of death.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>We went on the run of a lifetime. Us against the world, unbeatable. Some matches were easier than others, most difficult physically, a few emotionally, but we had each other and the gold which was all that mattered. There was a little awkwardness for sure, Kenny feeling like he had to prove himself worthy of the belts too since he was out of commission for the end of the match, but I don't mind. We were working together and that's all that mattered. </p><p>There was a standout match that really tested our bond, pushed us to the limit. Us against Matt and Nick. They cared more about Kenny than me, and I knew that, but I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did when Matt shouted at me. I'm just glad me and Kenny survived it, our bond wasn't broken, and by the end while it was fractured more than it was going in we got out together, and in time our bond would heal. But watching him stand by them, after I had to pin them, just like when I, no, we won the belts, that hurt. I almost turned on him then you know, it was tempting. But I valued him too much to do that, so I accepted being second place.</p><p>We were on top of the world for so long we forgot what it was like to be on the bottom. Riding the high of our victories, I didn't want it to end. Our relationship wasn't the best, it was strong, sure, but there was always something missing. After meeting Dax and Cash, I realized what it was. Me and Kenny were different, and while it worked fine in the ring, outside of it I needed something more. Someone more similar to me. I think that's how I was so drawn to those two, they were like me. Rough southern boys who just wanted to hit hard and have a drink. I guess that's why I didn't see it coming.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Then I lost it all<br/></em>
  <em>Dead and broken.<br/></em>
  <em>My back's against the wall.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>All Out. I remember that night well, it's burnt into my memory. I was at such a low point going into it, the people I had known for the longest time turned their backs on me, and I had to fight the two people in the company who thought I mattered. In all honesty I thought I was going to lose Kenny too before that. It shocked me when he agreed to do the match with me, but I guess it was his job as the other tag partner in the group. I couldn't fight Dax and Cash alone, and I don't know if I would've been able to fight them alone. </p><p>The match started out different. In the past, we had such confidence in ourselves, we were the champions and knew we deserved to be there. We defeated the hardest tag teams and came out on top. But this time it was fragile. The bond between us was mostly broken, maybe not visible to anyone else, but I could feel it. I could feel the lack of confidence Kenny had in me to get the job done against FTR. I don't blame him, I felt the same way when we were fighting Matt and Nick. That he wouldn't be able to put aside his friendship with them and actually fight. Fight for us.</p><p>But I guess Kenny was right to be worried. I lost us the match. Sure, he hit me with his V-trigger, but he wasn't the one pinned. In such a short three seconds I lost. We lost. Three seconds was the difference between being champions and being nothing. I swear I gave it my all, I wanted to stay champions with Kenny. Because he was all I had left of my old life. I didn't mean for FTR to win, I swear, I didn't. I promise I fought for us. Those three seconds were the longest and shortest moments of my life. I can't stop reliving them. I should've tried harder to kick out, to keep our bond together. But everything came crashing down and I was powerless to stop it. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Cut me open.<br/></em>
  <em>I'm just trying to breathe,<br/></em>
  <em>Just trying to figure it out<br/></em>
  <em>Because I built these walls to watch them crumbling down.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He left me. Pushed me aside and let me fall. He left. I… I thought we might still have each other. That he wouldn't cast me aside the moment I stopped being useful to him. I think he was looking for a reason to leave for a long time, the loss sent him over the edge. He always put on a facade for the camera, wanting people to see him as the caring friend who still wanted the ugly duckling to succeed. He forgot I knew him for years, I knew he was just waiting to strike out on his own. The only thing keeping him tied to me was those belts. And the minute they were gone, so was he.</p><p>It still hurts to remember, I trusted him to catch me but he didn't. He let me down. Ha. As if he didn't let me down all those times he was out of commission for the end of matches, leaving me to fight for us on my own. Maybe that was his way of telling me he wanted out, I was just too stubborn to see. The sting of the canvas on my chest, after I was exhausted and hurting, only to have my heart broken too. That was the worst pain of the night. His V-trigger was nothing, their finisher was nothing, even being pinned was barely a blip in comparison to how it felt when I realized he wasn't going to catch me. When it was too far to turn back and all the trust I had in him ripped away. </p><p>He thinks I didn't realize he was going to hit me. I see how it is. I didn't know in the moment, I was too out of it for that, but I heard something hit the canvas. I thought he was angry, frustrated, even upset. But never in a million years did I think he might have hit me with something. I guess I never knew him at all if I thought he wasn't going to, I wonder how much of the real Kenny I knew. How much of the true him he let me see. Because what I saw was a different Kenny, one who didn't care about me even though we spent the last ten and a half months as a team. And the Kenny I knew then wouldn't have let me fall. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I said, "Then I lost it all."<br/></em>
  <em>And who can save me now?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>As I lay there I fought back waves of emotions, held in tears, laughter, screams, everything. I was angry, at myself for losing and at him for not caring about me. I was upset, realizing the last few years of friendship meant nothing. I was foolish, thinking he actually cared. He didn't care, no matter how much I wanted him to care, he didn't. He just wanted success, and I was a stepping stone in his path to the top. A tool, just like the broom he used so long ago. </p><p>I loved him, I don't know if he ever knew that. I was head over heels for him, from the moment I saw him I knew he was special. I was so far in love with him I never noticed when he started changing. Or maybe I was in denial of it, selectively not noticing the difference in him, the darkness in him. But I loved him, darkness and all, because he was Kenny. And I loved Kenny. I never stopped loving Kenny.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I stood above<br/></em>
  <em>Another war,<br/></em>
  <em>Another jewel upon the crown.<br/></em>
  <em>I was the fear of men.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I turned back to wrestling to distract myself, having nowhere else to turn. It hurt seeing Kenny everyday backstage, him pretending like we were strangers with me pretending like my heart wasn't yearning for him. It was salt in my wounds when he came out to commentate on one of my matches, it almost made me lose, realizing he was watching so closely. But I couldn't make the same mistake again, that fatal mistake that pushed him so far away. I wouldn't let myself be pinned again. </p><p>When news of the tournament came around I instantly knew Kenny would be in it. And I knew I had to participate too. He wasn't going to face me on his own, so I had to make him face me. Make him see who I really am, and if I was lucky, I would be able to see who he really was too. It didn't surprise me when he breezed through the first round, I knew he would do well even if it was his first singles match in six months. He's Kenny Omega, one of the best in the world. He would make it to the finals, and that meant I had to get there too.</p><p>It was difficult, especially my match against Wardlow. He was so strong, unmoving and unyielding, everything I wished I was back when it was most important. But I couldn't, wouldn't let any of that impact my performance. I would beat him down until the end to prove I could, that even being as strong as Wardlow wouldn't have let me kick out of that pin. And I did it. I won, I was moving on to the finals to face the man I loved. I knew he wouldn't hold back, he had something to prove. Well so did I.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But I was blind.<br/></em>
  <em>I couldn't see the world there right in front of me.<br/></em>
  <em>But now I can... (yeah)</em>
</p><p> </p><p>As soon as I knew it would be the two of us in the finals I started studying. Watching every Kenny Omega match I could get my hands on. Because I knew he would be pulling out all the stops, and what he did as my tag partner was barely scratching the surface of his ability. I couldn't get caught off guard; even though I knew him I didn't know <b>him</b>. There was so much I had to learn about Kenny in such a short amount of time. But I was determined to learn. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 'Cause I lost it all </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I thought I would be prepared for it, be prepared to walk out there and face him in the ring. Holy shit was I wrong. Before the match I was so nervous, he was the best bout machine, New Japan darling, first gaijin G1 champion. I couldn't compare to that. But I had to do my best to stand up to him. Maybe if I beat him he would finally see me for me, see I was a good wrestler. Worthy of him. I had to try. After all, what else did I have to lose?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dead and broken.<br/></em>
  <em>My back's against the wall.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The lack of an audience made it both easier and harder to fight Kenny. Easier in that there were less distractions, but harder in that there were no distractions. They wouldn't tear my attention away from Kenny, yet my entire focus resting on the man was equally risky. He distracted me more than anything ever could. And while I didn't want to hurt him I had to win. I had to prove I was capable of being on the same level as him. Prove he made a mistake abandoning me. I had to, there was no other option. I couldn't fail, not this time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Cut me open.<br/></em>
  <em>I'm just trying to breathe,<br/></em>
  <em>Just trying to figure it out</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hitting Kenny wasn't easy no matter how many times I did it. I thought it would feel good, therapeutic, to hurt him the way he hurt me. I was wrong. I hated hurting him, I loved him too much to hurt him. But he didn't have those same problems to me, every blow stinging worse than it should have because I knew it was him who was doing it to me. We were like fire and oil, clashing and making explosions. But we made magic too.</p><p>I thought it was going well, or at least as well as it could be given the circumstances. I kicked out of his moves, anticipated others and avoided them or reversed them, my hours pouring over material paying off. Unfortunately it seemed like Kenny had the same idea, never one to come into a fight unprepared he knew how to counter me too. But that was fine, I just knew I had to avoid one dreaded move at all costs, his One Winged Angel. I fought like hell, pouring my soul and love into the match. I'm sure he could feel it, but I'm sure he didn't care.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Because I built these walls to watch them crumbling down.<br/></em>
  <em>I said, "Then I lost it all."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Things were going fine until he got me on his shoulders. I knew immediately how severe danger I was in, how easily it could end me. My mind flashed back to when I was stuck under Cash, those crucial three seconds being the difference between being on top of the world and in the lowest of lows. But this time I had much less time to react. I fought as hard as possible, struggling out of the hold, but my body was battered, I was weak. Too weak. He hit the One Winged Angel. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Who can save me now? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>One, two, three, that was it. I failed. Everything I worked towards in the past few weeks of the tournament was for nothing. How foolish was I to think I could have won, he's not the best bout machine for nothing. I lay there, just staring at the sky, all the noises fading to silence. I lost. My mission was a failure. I was a failure. No wonder Matt and Nick left, Kenny left, Dax and Cash left, everyone left me. I was just baggage, disposable and a burden to all of them. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I believe that we all fall down sometimes <br/></em>
  <em>Can't you see that we all fall down sometimes?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I don't remember much after that, I must have gone to the back and gotten drunk. It's not like there was anyone there to stop me, everyone I cared about was gone, not caring about me enough to follow me. Kenny was busy celebrating, Matt and Nick were busy pretending like I didn't exist, Dax and Cash were busy preparing for their match. But it's not like they would have found me if they weren't busy, all they cared about earlier was getting close to me so they would have an advantage at that fateful night. Are they happy now?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I believe that we all fall down sometimes <br/></em>
  <em>Can't you see that we all fall down sometimes?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I downed shot after shot, the alcohol burning in my throat but none of it mattered. All I cared about was drinking away the pain. The physical pain of the war Kenny and I went through, and the emotional pain of knowing he didn't care about me. Now that just leaves me. Alone at a bar, already getting dazed from the adrenaline crash and the amount of booze I had consumed. The only thing I knew was the man I loved was gone, and there was no getting him back. He walked away, leaving my heart in shreds behind him, at least the parts he didn't steal away. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yeah<br/></em>
  <em>I believe that we all fall down sometimes<br/></em>
  <em>Yeah</em>
</p><p> </p><p>All of a sudden I hear footsteps behind me, my head picking up from my arms and looking up. I didn't notice anyone around, maybe it's how distracted I am going down memory lane, maybe it's the alcohol I consumed dulling my senses. I don't know. But what I do know is one John Silver and one Alex Reynolds are standing on either side of me.</p><p>I feel a hand on my shoulder, I don't know who it is or who the voice belongs to, I'm far too wasted for that. I pour them both a glass, and gesture for them to sit with me. I don't know where this is going, if it's going anywhere, but it's nice to know I'm not alone for once. They both sit down, and have a drink.</p>
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